A reprieve

Thank you to those of you who expressed concern about me ending up as Christmas dinner. Fortunately someone told my human that cat-meat isn't very nice to eat, although I'm sure I'd be very tasty - wait, no, um, yes, cat-meat very nasty. From what I've heard, it's the silly turkeys and geese that have it worst at this time of year. No loss there then.

Daddy is still being a bit mean though because he has docked my biscuits (yes, the horrid supermarket own-brand ones) for breaking a plate. It is so unfair. It's not my fault that the plate was on the edge of the table and fell off when I was walking by. Daddy says that I have to learn to be more careful and he can't afford to keep buying new things. Huh. I'm going to speak to my friend Nina about it, she's a lawyer.

Soon there won't be anywhere left to buy a plate anyway. I was reading today that loads more shops are going to go out of business in January, which is really scary. Although the article was based on a report by an insolvency firm, who must just love this sort of thing. I bet insolvency and business restructuring practitioners are all having a terrific Christmas, just praying that things get much worse next year. Vultures.

As long as Marks & Spencers doesn't go down the pan, that's my absolute favourite shop.

I am hoping from some treats from there for Christmas ... maybe the organic chicken terrine? Yum!

How many cat treats does $50billion buy?

Lots of depressing news today.

I watched an interview with John Varley, the head of Barclays, where Daddy banks. He seemed to have some interest in depressing the rest of us. He forecast a big rise in unemployment and a big fall in house prices. Obviously neither of these directly affect me as I don't have a job or own a house. But I will probably suffer the effects. For example, instead of my nice posh cat biscuits, I am now being fed supermarket own brand. Yuk.

It was funny that he was saying that banks should apologise for their behaviour when I didn't hear his apology for Barclays' contribution to the mess we are all in. Perhaps I missed it when I went to get a biscuit?

I also read about a big fraud that some New Yorker committed. Apparently he stole $50bn but I don't even know what that means. I need someone to explain that in cat terms. How many tubs of my favourite cat treats for example?

I assume more than enough to feed me and all my mates too. Perhaps all the cats of England? Perhaps ALL cats?? My little cat brain can't comprehend it.

Next week it will be my first Christmas! I am quite looking forward to it, I hope I get nice presents (I have asked Santa for this book), but Daddy has been threatening to put me in the roasting tin if his financial situation doesn't improve. Has anyone got the number for the RSPCA?

A death and two births

Still very cross about the whole tinned food thing. Daddy (my human insists that I call him that, which I think is weird quite frankly. I mean, he's not my daddy is he? He's not a cat. I suppose he does look after me though.) says it's the same food, just in a different packet. But I think it tastes different. Also a tin contains more than one meal, so Daddy puts a special plastic top on the tin ... oh it's just too awful.

I was very sad yesterday to learn of the death of the creator of one of my favourite celebrity cats, Bagpuss. I wanted to paint myself in pink stripes in commemoration, but Daddy hid the strawberry jam once I told him about my plan. I think I would have looked cool. Obviously I'm in much better shape than Bagpuss though. He was getting a bit saggy.

But there was happier news announced yesterday, the birth of two white lion cubs in Belgrade Zoo. How cute are they? They look just like me when I was little. White furry creatures rule!!

I didn't think things could get any worse, but they have. I've always had my food from pouches, it's the only way any self-respecting cat eats these days (my human always finds it hilarious that these pouches contain "kitten chunks", why is that funny?) but apparently I'm going to start having my food from tins. Tins! Tinned food. It's just too humiliating. I really hope this credit crunch thing is just a temporary thing rather than a new world order.

It's particularly galling because with the cut in interest rates the other day (so low! what is the point in interest rates when they are so low? maybe this is a new paradigm or whatever Robert Peston says. I'm not actually sure what paradigm means.) I thought we were doing better. My human is very lucky to have a proper tracker-rate mortgage and so every time interest rates go down, he pays less for our house! It's great. Apparently lots of naughty naughty banks don't pass on the saving to their customers, I just don't know how they get away with it.

Bad naughty banks. Actually I read somewhere that some banks are creating "bad banks" to get rid of their rubbish assets. Surely that's cheating? Ooh look, we bought some assets which we thought were going to make us lots of money and now actually they're more than worthless but we don't want our balance sheet to look rubbish ... ooh let's just create another bank and stick them all there, ooh aren't we clever.

Maybe next time I do something bad like go to the toilet in the bath and my human gets cross, I'll just say, that wasn't me, that was Bad Pixel.

It is very cold today. I am very glad of my nice warm fur, but won't be venturing outside while it's like this. Although I do miss sniffing the drains, which is one of my favourite things to do.

I've been worried today about a fellow white fluffy creature, Knut the polar bear. Apparently he is the latest celebrity victim of the credit crunch as his zoo can't afford him any more. It seems that being white, furry and handsome just isn't enough any more in today's tough economic climate, which should worry us all.

What if my human can't afford to look after me any more? I know my food is expensive but I think I provide excellent value in return. When he oversleeps I nibble his feet. When he's working I jump on the monitor and generally entertain him. When he's cold I give him cuddles.

Yup, I think I'm safe for the moment. I just hope that things don't get any worse .... who knows whether we've seen the worst of it yet.